I didn’t realize how long it had been since I posted anything substantial! I have sat down on more than one occasion to write a post about what life is like with my husband home, but I haven’t really been able to convey what I have wanted to convey.
This is SO DIFFERENT than last time.
Different, and in so many ways, better. But different none the less. My husband is super-husband, a change from what I was used to the last time around. And something that I am still adjusting to. Then there is the whole sharing the space thing, something that I am definitely still adjusting to. It’s amazing how sucky being alone all the time can be, but how you get so used to it. Having somebody in my space [no matter how much I love him] is taking some time. Something that, no matter how much I love my husband and how much I am happy to have him home, is a huge change from the lonely nights and the routine that I so carefully crafted.
Oh routine. I have thrown any idea of having my “old” routine out the window. We are buidling a new routine. One that involves BOTH of us, but at the same time, as wonderful as homecomings are, they are huge upheavel of your life all over again. It takes some getting use to.
As much as I love having my husband home, I am a creature of habit. I am fully convinced that if I ever went and saw a doctor about this, I would be diagnosed with slight OCD. I love having a routine. I love having a pattern in the way I do things. I’m not a big fan of change anymore [which, I used to really be. Getting older has done a number on me!]. I like things a certain way. I have to kiss that certain way goodbye and find a new certain way with my darling husband!
Reintegration’s are hard, for both parties.
BUT … at the same time, man oh man is it nice to have my husband home again. As much adjusting as there is going on in this house, it’s nice to not be so alone anymore. To have somebody to talk to when I want to talk. Somebody to cuddle me at night. Somebody to wash my car and mow the lawn! And with no scheduled deployment in sight [like there was last time -- yeah, that's right. Before they got home from the last deployment, we already knew about this one] we can live our life TOGETHER without having to fret about what’s to come.
Obviously, with him being in the Army, that “fret” is always going to be there. But until they tell us otherwise, we are going to live our lives like he doesn’t have to leave tomorrow. Because hey, he doesn’t! That means dirty socks on the floor, the toilet seat up, and dishes on the counter [with an empty dishwasher just waiting for them!] …
Love, and life, is back in this household.
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I totally get it. Totally. Sometimes I can’t wait for hubby to get home and sometimes I panic about how we’ll re-adjust since we’re both such independent, stubborn, and solitary people. Two only children, one house… you get the picture.
I’m glad that you’re happy though
People don’t always get that it’s a process and that you can be incredibly happy and feeling really weird all at the same time. I’m glad you’re experiencing more happy than weird at this point! Most of all, I’m happy for you!
oh trust me, there is plenty of weird in there. I just feel BAD for admitting the weird. Like, I should be blissfully happy because my husband is home. Which I AM, but at the same time … it’s weird. And I don’t know how to really convey that without making it sound like I’m not happy to have him around.
I would say it’s 50% happy, 50% weird. lol
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. We’re a little over half-way done with my husband’s first deployment, and I’ve been worried about what life is going to be like. I know it’s going to be an adjustment, but it’s nice to know that others have dealt with it and can move on to normal-ish lives.
I hope you don’t mind me lurking around your blog, but I do so like knowing what other Army spouses are going through and that I’m not just being strange.
You can lurk anytime you want
Glad you’re here!
I totally understand what you are saying. I have such a hard time sharing a bed when he first gets home. There are just a lot of adjustments too. We also don’t have a date of the next one (like last time) but I am trying not to think about it all anyways.
It also amazes me that soon I will feel like he was never gone. I will get use to him again and it will see odd that he was ever away.
Hi Brit, we haven’t met yet but I really enjoy your blog
be patient with each other and most of all continue to enjoy being reunited as I know you are!
I too am an Army wife to an SF Capt, we have 3 kids under 10 yrs. old together and I’m in school full time…in order for me to be productive I HAVE to be OCD about schedules lol, so I understand completely!! I always hear women saying they feel ‘bad’ for feeling the way you described, I’m quick to tell them it’s natural, and guess what- our husbands get annoyed with us during the re-adjustment phase too! lol
Military life fosters independent lifestyles, if you don’t adopt it (even if it’s subconciously) you wind up depressed and dysfunctional during deployments -that is no way to live. I’m glad you got your best friend back
Hey Kandice! Thanks for the advice. It’s always nice to know that other wives out there feel the same way, because it’s very easy to feel alone with all of the craziness!
Thanks for the comment and don’t be a stranger!