Four months.
That’s what we have left until my husband comes home from his deployment.
It’s crazy to me that the time is almost here. To me it still feels like he left yesterday, even though when I think back through all this time, and I recount all that has happened since he left … when I do that, then it feels like forever.
Redeployment is a rush of emotions for me. There are so many wonderful things about redeployment. Getting to see each other again. Having my husband back home and living a “normal” marriage, if even just for another year. Learning a new routine together and remember all the things we loved to do with one another. It’s wonderful, and I can’t wait to be “married” again.
And then there is the stuff that is stressing me out. We didn’t have an easy transition post deployment the first go-round, and it took a lot of time for us to get to a good place. But that’s where my mind starts to race. Did we really get to a good place? Did we fix the problems that needed to be fixed? Or did we push them aside and pretend to fix them for the sake of the upcoming second deployment? What’s it going to be like when he comes home again? Is it going to be the same? Will it be different? Will it be better/worse than the last homecoming?
I THINK we’re at a good place. The end of the deployment has been like the end of any other deployment — annoying. We’re both over it. We’re both ready for him to come home. But I can’t get the what if’s out of my head.
A lot of that is because plain and simple, I don’t want to go through what we went through last time — the things that were said, the things that were DONE – I don’t know if my heart can take that.
It’s a constant battle that my head — and my heart — is going through. Hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.
And let me tell you, that is a SUCKY place to be in. Tucker told me last night in a very long and super awesome phone conversation that this feeling is normal. That it’s OK to be feeling the way that I am feeling. And, I believe her. To an extent. It still sucks feeling this way, and something that I think I eventually will talk to the husband about. But for now I’m just trying to sort through my feelings of what’s to come. Trying to have expectations without really having expectations.
If that makes ANY sense whatsoever.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I still say that if you DON’T think and worry about this stuff, that is when there is a problem. You love your husband, and it was rough last time. It would be weird if you didn’t think about this stuff… but I certainly get that you just want it to be over. You’ve earned that for sure!!!
Just take it as it comes, talk to your husband about it and communicate. You guys will be fine, everything will work out, and your new normal will be wonderful- it might be bumpy, but it WILL be okay. You worry because you care, you worry because you love him and you worry because you are NORMAL.
Give yourself some time to sort it out and you know who to call if you need an ear!
Love you!!!
I admire that you are realistic that it will most likely not be all chocolate and roses when your hubby comes home. Too many military wives set high expectations and don’t acknowledge that there will be difficulties while you and your soldier adjusts to him being back state-side. Thanks for being so honest.
My advice is just to talk to him about it all too. Let him know how you are feeling and go through the transition together. It makes it a lot easier on the both of you if you know what you both are feeling. When they come home, it’s definitely a rush of emotions and the adjustment is so hard but if you have that open communication, it will make it that much easier. I love you girl..hang in there!
Hey girl…I can’t imagine what you are going through, as I’ve never experienced it and trying to compare it to anything in my life is just an insult to you. But I’m sorry for the anxious feelings and for the worry; it’s really hard, when having experienced something not-so-fun, to not go there when you know the situation will be similar to the time when it sucked. It’s also really normal, methinks. I second everything these wise ladies said, though…communication is the best way. Hubs and I have had some real tough times, and even though having those awful conversations REALLY sucked, we are better for it. I hope these four months fly by for you and that the transition surprises you with its ease :0).