My Army Wife Life

RIP Bailey the Beagle

by Brittany on September 2, 2010

in The Pets

On Monday night, my husband & I had to do something that we didn’t think we would need to do for a very, very long time — say goodbye to our three year old beagle, Bailey. He was the victim of a vicious, vicious attack by our neighbors dog, and the damage was too much for his little body. He held on long enough to make it to the emergency clinic, but I think it was the pain that was keeping him awake.

I had been in Denver for a few days for the wedding of one of my good friends. Monday night, my husband picked me up from the airport and we headed home. We arrived to our house to a swarm of police officers, animal control and neighbors rushing our car. My first thought was “great — here we go again.” We have seriously ghetto neighbors and seeing police at their house isn’t new.

Our good neighbor, Linda, came rushing to the car asking where our dogs were. I looked up and saw a dog wrapped in a blanket in the neighbors yard. Breathing, but covered in mud.

My first thought was “Fuck.” I ran into the backyard to see if the dogs were there. The two big ones came running straight to the door, but Bailey was nowhere to be found. Our neighbors dog had attacked before on two separate occasions. Both times our Lab had taken the brunt of it. The neighbors dog has a habit of ripping off fence boards in order to get to our dogs. Typically he can create a hole just big enough for a head or a small body to get through. My first thought when I couldn’t find Bailey was, that based on the condition of the dog in the neighbors yard, he was in bad shape somewhere. He crawled up somewhere to hide, right?

So I searched, and I searched and I searched some more. He wasn’t there.

My husband came running into the house saying “we have to go to urgent care.”

Why?

Just get in the car. We have to go.

Then it hit me. That dog in the neighbors yard? That was MY dog.

MY. DOG.

What the fuck happened? I couldn’t comprehend anything that was going on. See, for us, our animals are our family. They are our kids. We have no real kids of our own, and those dogs are our lives. We treat them better than most people treat their own children. So for me to not even be able to recognize my own dog, I knew it was bad.

The shock of what was going on kept me pretty calm. We loaded Bailey into the back of our SUV and my husband drove faster than I have ever seen him drive. I just stroked his face because I didn’t know where else to touch him. He was wrapped up in a blanket and I knew that the damage was so bad, but I was afraid to look. My husband would later tell me that he had broken legs, a punctured lung, puncture wounds all over his body, broken ribs, and massive, massive exposure in the chest area. A 30 pound beagle doesn’t really stand much of a chance against a 100 pound pit bull who has been trained to fight.

We got to the emergency vet clinic and rushed him in. The second I sat down to fill out the paperwork, I lost it. And truth be told, I haven’t been able to stop. When the vet tech came out two minutes later, she said that we had two choice — we could spend approximately $2000 on surgery, but the damage was so much that they didn’t think that he would make it through the surgery. If he DID, it would be a miracle if he lasted much longer than that. And who knows what they would find once they got in there.

Our second choice was to say goodbye.

At this point, I started hyperventilating. I knew what we had to do. I saw the pain that he was in. The dog that never stopped wagging it’s tail, even when he was being scolded? His tail was not wagging. I knew the choice that we had to make.

We were able to be in the room for a few minutes with him before the vet came in with the sedative. They said that they had given him a large dose of morphine seconds after we brought him in, & it was easing his pain. I could tell. He was slipping, & he was slipping fast. I just sat there with him, crying my eyes out, and telling him that he was a GOOD dog. That we LOVED him. That he was so good to us and that we were sorry.

We were so, so sorry.

I fell to the floor when the Vet told me he was gone.

Our hearts are so, so sad right now. I haven’t been dealing with this well at all. I took Tuesday off from work, and just laid on my couch all day. Going to bed is even worse, because I miss the little guy who used to keep my feet warm. It’s so very, very quiet in our house right now and I don’t really know how to deal with that. I’ve cried myself to sleep every night since.

My husband is angry. I haven’t really reached that point yet, although I’m getting close. And the dog that did this? Still in our neighbors back yard.We haven’t seen our neighbors since Monday night — they didn’t come over to see what the final result was. No apology. Nothing. Why the Fayetteville Animal Control did not TAKE the dog that instant (because a) it was still attacking Bailey when the police officer showed up and b) it then tried to attack the police officer) is beyond me. Us? We’re pressing charges, and more than likely will sue for all of the vet bills that we have piled up over the last year thanks to the other two attacks, as well as what it cost us to build the SECOND fence line in our backyard — which did no good once the dog got through the first fence and to ours. That process, though, I’m not really sure how to go about all of this. I do have half a mind to contact the press about this. Maybe light a fire under the Fayetteville Police & Animal Control’s asses.

RIP, buddy. You were the BEST friend we could ask for. Thank you for getting me through two deployments, and being my constant cuddle buddy when I was all alone. I miss you more than you know, & I hope you are running free, jumping on couches & eating all the treats you can handle. You are very, very missed and were truly loved.

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DADT And The Kutteles Family

by Brittany on August 19, 2010

in Army,Military,Politics

Hello Internet.

I know I’ve been a bad blogger. There is no excuse, other than life has been craaaaazy around here lately. I was going to write a nice fluffy piece about what I’ve been doing, and then I checked my email.

I received an email from a set of parents — Pat & Wally Kutteles. There son, Pcf. Barry Winchell was murdered 11 years ago at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, as a result of a violent beating. All because he was gay. They were thanking me for speaking out against DADT. In their words:

Barry lived by the values of respect, selfless sacrifice, integrity and honor throughout his service in the Army. With the continued commitment of supporters like you who are working to repeal DADT, we can make sure that Barry’s legacy of courage and love for country lives on.

You can read their story here. Every year, they travel to D.C. to push for the repeal of DADT, so that other families don’t have to go through what they went through.

So, instead of a light, fluffy piece, I’m going to bring another post back from the archives. Not from my personal site, but a piece that I wrote a few months back for LeftFace on this very subject. I’ve been hesitant to post it here, but I think now is the time. There have been so many developments in this recently, and I hope to comment on them soon. But until then, enjoy the archives.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) — To Repeal or Not to Repeal
Originally Published on February 24th, 2010 on Leftface.Wordpress.com

If you know me personally, or have read my personal blog at all, it’s pretty obvious that I am a big fat hippie-loving, granola-eating tree hugger. With that, I believe that all people are equal, regardless of their choices. I may not agree with somebody, but that doesn’t make me right and them wrong. To each their own, I say! Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT), specifically, is a big issue right now, especially those of us attached to the military community. My personal opinion is a complicated one, because I can see both pros and cons to the repeal.

What I’ve been told in the past by people (i.e. people currently serving in the military) who feel very strongly against the repeal of DADT is that I have no business having an opinion or making efforts to repeal something that does not affect ME directly. I don’t have to serve with “them” (insert any slew of derogatory words and phrases here. Actually. Don’t. Because it’s not nice, Internet.)

But the problem for those people is that Gays & Lesbians CAN currently serve in the military. Which means that to those of you who are currently serving, you probably have worked with quite a few Gays and/or Lesbians and not even realized it. My husband has said that he has known more than a few over his time in the military, and most importantly, IT DOES NOT EFFECT THE JOB THAT THEY DO, nor does he think that it will effect their job if they are allowed to fully “come out.” Initial studies through congress and through other avenues have also shown that others serving in the military, who have experienced these same situations, feel the same way. There are obviously those who think it should stay the way it is, but regardless of their personal opinions (supporting a gay lifestyle or not), the general consensus is that being gay doesn’t matter, as long as the job is done correctly.

I think the fear, at least from those that I know that are severely homophobic, is that every gay man currently serving in the military has a closet full of pink feather boas and sequined mesh tops waiting to be busted out, that all of a sudden those who are gay will be hitting on people left and right, and “forcing” their feelings and such onto others. You will know longer be safe in that fox hole down range because OMG he’s staring at your ass instead of trying to get the job done. Well guess what — if he’s gay, he’s probably already taken a glance at your ass. And look — you’re still alive. I have known many, many gay men in my life, and trust me — those who DO own pink feather boa’s and sequined tops are far too girly to ever serve in the military.

The issue, however, is causing more of a debate between those in office then I think those it would actually affect, and the switching and whipping around of ideas and opinions is enough to make my head spin. So why do we care what Congressman Joe Blow in office feels about this? We all know that congress is full of double standards. How many preach moral and family values, but then cheat on their wives? John McCain, one of the loudest opposers of repealing DADT, has said in the past that the top military officials should be the ones to make the decisions, but recently has changed his tune saying they should be left out of it. It’s confusing. And honestly, who cares? Adm. Mike Mullen, the Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff has said the 16-year-old policy needs to be repealed, and has vowed to take a good look at how it would effect our military before doing so. So how about we let him do his job, huh?

The Cons of Repealing DADT

But what about the con’s about repealing DADT? The biggest argument has been to not mess with the military — to do a “social experiment” — in the time of two wars. Isn’t that just an excuse, though? Aren’t we ALWAYS in some sort of conflict? The United States Army is essentially the police of the world, and we are always somewhere, doing something. So if not now, then when? Iraq is in the process of being phased out, and Afghanistan — well, we don’t really know when that is going to be over. There will never be a “good” time. So why not now?

Then there is always just people in general, and the dynamic of some of the people in the military. It’s no surprise that a large population of the military are born and raised red state residents. With this comes a typical stereotype that I hate to bring up, but have seen proven to be true more times than not. My personal fear, and this is why part of me believes that the repeal of DADT may not prove to be as good as we hope, is because there are a lot of idiots out there who would do something stupid and harm an innocent person just because they don’t agree with their lifestyle choices. Case in point, my husband, who is currently out-of-state on training, told me that because one of the guys in his training unit is “suspected” to be gay. To him, it’s no big deal, but to others it apparently was. Said soldier came back to his room one night to find a very derogatory word written on his door in shaving cream — it had been on for some time, and shaving cream has a way of taking paint/stain off of a door. Which means after he cleaned it up, he continued to have to look at it.

It’s those type of actions, and the ones that I fear that will be much worse, that scare me about a repeal. Because all it takes is one. 99.9% of services members may not have an issue with it, or may not act on disapproval. But its the loud ones — the ones who will treat them differently because all of a sudden they are “out,” or say crude things, or even worse, physically hurt somebody — that scare me the most. I would hate to see a good person, who is just trying to serve their country and do right by what they believe in, and do their job. It’s disgusting, and it’s sad. But there are people out there who would do something. Something bad. And it’s that fear that makes me wonder if it’s a good time. However, my own counteraction to that argument is that there are ignorant, close-minded people out there NOT in the military. People are still burning crosses for Christ’s sake. People are ugly and mean. No matter what your job is.

I think, overall, the policy needs to go away. You’re uncomfortable if one of your soldiers brings a same-sex date to the dine in? Deal with it. I’m uncomfortable knowing that you sleep with a different woman every weekend, or that you’re cheating on your wife (which I have seen more times than I care to talk about).

You shouldn’t have to hide who you are. People should be allowed to be themselves. Whether you agree with their choices or not. It’s not up to us.

******* Update: August 20th, 2010 *******

Michelle Martin on NPR’s “Tell Me More” this week did two segments on DADT. One FOR the repeal, and one AGAINST the repeal. There were both excellently presented, and I definitely recommend that you all check them out.

In The Line Of Duty Or Discrimination? (Pr0-Repeal)

An Argument For Discrimination: DADT

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From the Archives: Independent vs. “Strong”

by Brittany on August 13, 2010

in Deployment,Me Myself and I,Military Wife

This was originally posted on April 10th, 2009; I was knee-deep into my husbands deployment at the time. This post has, for whatever reason, seen a lot of traffic lately so I thought I would resurface it. It also is something that I still feel to be very true. Husband & I are in this weird transition period where sometimes he’s here, sometimes he’s not, and even though he’s home we seem to be unable to plan anything because of his crazy schedule. Enjoy!

I had a conversation with one of my husbands long-time friends the other day, and we briefly talked about a lot of things husband related: his choice to re-enlist, why I don’t mind the Army or it’s lifestyle [anymore], how it grows on you, how his potential new career path in the military will have him deploying more, but for shorter amounts of time, and why we’re ok with that. At the end of this, she said something to me that struck a chord and made me twitch just a little.

“You’re so strong.”

Now, I know what her intentions were when she said that (and T, you know I love you!) and I know that she meant nothing but good things about my character when she said that to me. But in all honesty, I hate hearing that from other people.

Because the truth of the matter is that no, I’m not strong. I hate that my husband deploys. I hate that his life is on the line every single day. I hate that he’s away from me, and the only way we can continue our marriage is through phone calls, emails and gmail chat. I hate that we have essentially put US on hold for a year until he returns. And trust me when I say that I have my fair share of breakdowns when I miss him so much that my heart could explode. Strong? Definitely not. This is not a word that military spouses use with one another, because we all know the truth. None of us are really “strong.”

Independent? Now that’s a word I would use to describe me.

Now, I hope I don’t offend people here, and if I lose a few readers because what I’m going to say, than I’m apologizing up front. But I have never understood the spouses that are so dependant on their husbands (or wives if your wife is the one in the military, although it has been all wives that I deal with here!) that they put their entire life on hold for that entire deployment, whether it’s six months or a year, because they just can’t see life going on without them. I love my husband. So much. [See above.] But sitting in my empty house, night after night, crying about HOW MUCH I miss him, pining away and wasting my days … no thank you.

I simply don’t see the point. I look at it as, it is what it is. I knew before my husband and I got married that deployments would be a part of our lifestyle. Do I love that fact? Nope. But again, it is what it is. It does me NO GOOD to do all the things I mentioned in the last paragraph. I live my life. I work. I hang out with friends. I do all the things that I would do whether he was here or not, because what is the point of not? It certainly doesn’t make the time fly by any quicker. If anything, it just makes it go by slower. We own our house. We have dogs and a cat. This is where our lives are. Time does not stop just because my soldier is off fighting a war. Bitching and whining and complaining about it does not change the situation at hand, either. It does me no good.

And I think it’s safe to say [and Hubs, feel free to comment and correct me if I'm wrong] that he likes it this way. I’ve never been a super clingy person. I mean, I definitely have my moments, and I’ve broken down a couple of times after phone calls with him, because I didn’t want to end. But I think with me being who I am, and being so independent, it puts him at ease, he doesn’t have to worry about me. He knows that I’m not out doing things that I shouldn’t, but he also knows that I’m not sitting at home … waiting. Because that’s not healthy, either. I’m trying, a lot harder on the occasional bad day than on some, to make the best of the situation at hand. Because really, that’s all we can do.

That’s all I can do.

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Love Vigilantes

by Brittany on August 3, 2010

in Music

So, y’all know that I am a big music buff. LOVE music. If you have never heard of this band, Iron & Wine, you MUST must must check them out. It’s not really a band, per say. It’s really just one guy [who very oddly resembles Zach Galifianakis.]

But he is fabulous & I love love LOVE his music. Twilight fans, you my recognize him from this little diddy. Or if you are, perhaps, a fan of Garden State [one of the best movies EVER, & in which Iron & Wine forever won my heart] you may recognize this version of a Postal Service cover.

Seriously. Listen. It’s my new favorite. [even though it's a cover of  New Order song!]

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I Heart New York.

by Brittany on August 1, 2010

in Travel

Last weekend, I took off to NYC for a few days to hang with my mom. We had been planning this trip for a few months, and it was definitely a girls weekend. We ate well, did a TON of walking & caught three [THREE!] Broadway shows over the weekend.

Friday night, we got tickets to Memphis, which just won the Tony for best musical. It was awesome! A very heavy show, but worth every penny. Saturday I dragged her to see Mamma Mia! and I’m not going to lie — I was disappointed.  Maybe we just caught a bad show, but it was definitely less than mediocre.

But Sunday’s show — oh, blissful Broadway — was Promises, Promises. If you have not heard of it, it has Kristen Chenowith [hello ... MAJOR GIRL CRUSH.] and Sean Hayes [the guy who played Jack on Will & Grace].

It. Was. Fabulous.

FABULOUS!!!

Hands down, the best show of the weekend. It was light, funny & Sean Hayes blew both me & my mom out of the water. That man can SING his ass off. I was impressed. I know we both had a smile on our face the entire show. If you can make it to NYC, I definitely recommend seeing this show if you can. It was amazing.

Anyways — it was a great weekend. I posted some photos below for your enjoyment! Hey, did you all know that the Soup Nazi is back up & running again? Awesomesauce! We happened to be staying a few doors down from his shop, but he’s not open on Sundays, when we decided we wanted to try him out. Bummer. Also, you MUST check out the Union Square Farmer’s Market.  It was so cool to see such a major city be so supportive of local produce and hand crafted items.

I’ve been a horrible blogger lately, and an even suckier commenter. I finally logged into my google reader today and had, oh, about 1,000 blog posts to go through. So I’m getting there. I promise I will start commenting again! Until then, here are a few of my favorite shots from NYC. I will post the flickr link later today when I am doing going through and editing the rest of them. Enjoy!

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Eff You, MyCAA. [My Expanded Thoughts!]

July 21, 2010

When I posted the previous blog yesterday, I was sort of hesitant about saying what I *really* felt about the new program. I saw the news, I did sort of a silent “hooray?” with emphasis on that big, fat question mark. We’re supposed to be excited that MyCAA is up & running again, right? And, [...]

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MyCAA Up & Running (but with new rules)

July 20, 2010

Military OneSource has posted the new rules/regulations/qualifications for the “new & improved” MyCAA program. However, before you get all excited, from the looks of things it has some drastic changes. See for yourself: The Department of Defense has completed the program review and will be making the necessary adjustments to resume the MyCAA program beginning [...]

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